New Moon Eclipse in Cancer & The 5 Symptoms of Codependency

Thursday, July 05, 2018

New Moon Eclipse in Cancer & The 5 Symptoms of Codependency - blog post image

Not only do we have a Partial Solar Eclipse in Cancer on Friday 13th @ 04:00 BST...

But it's also the nearest New Moon (start) of the year.

This marks a powerful time of the past coming up to be laid to rest for once and for all, if Cancer can.  The crab has a hard time laying the past to rest, it is embroiled in it's shell (primal past) with it's pincers, it is the clingy co-dependent of the zodiac who once captured does not let go easily.  Being  ruled by the moody (crabby) feminine body of the Moon it can be a slave to its emotional past programming, particularly maternally.

Cancer in the Tarot deck is The High Priestess, the oracle, the psychic, and guardian of secrets, the empath. Dig deeper and you'll find out why....

In Greek Mythology The High Priestess is Persephone the Codependent mummy's girl that was taken from her mother by Hades (Death to his kingdom in the underworld and had to learn to face her own shadow and darkness until she could fall in love with it.


My Persephone story runs deep.

I was a sensitive only child to an overworked, underpaid, severely stressed-out single parent mother, I was trained to be acutely aware of others feelings - and being so sensitive my life felt like I was constantly balancing on a knife edge on tippy toes with egg shells in between! Which manifested in me walking the thin line between life and death with frequent asthma attacks. 

As I have got older I have learnt to have compassion for my mother's situation and although it hasn't been an easy path I love her deeply, she has never abandoned me physically, always been proud of me despite my quirky path, she has always let me be whoever I want to be, and supports me whenever she recognises that I need it, but she herself was the child of an alcoholic mother, and my gran (who I also love immensely) the product of an extremely harsh and cold mother, and so it goes on...

This toxic maternal line was causing some serious long-lasting damage. So much so that I spent my whole childhood not only under a constant attack of extreme emotions but the constant trauma weakened my aura and supernatural experiences just kept flooding in - my childhood was utterly terrifying, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, leaving me praying my way to the day when I would be an adult. It couldn't come fast enough. Sad, but true.

As a young maiden I fell in love with and was abandoned by almost every man I met, whilst all my other friends had steady relationships. I put this down to my taste in cold, emotionally distant older men - playing out my abandonment of my father which happened when I was a babe.

Then at the tender age of twenty Hades came and took my own daughter, four and a half months after she was born.

At Twenty Six I went self-employed as a Psychic and ten years later I had risen to the top of my field, with awards, TV, books and international speaking.

In that time I got married to my prince charming too, life finally seemed to be going my way, but still, I was plagued by the same feelings I had in my childhood, under attack of constant high emotions and drama. I was fighting a breakdown all the way to Thirty-Eight when my mid-life crisis hit.

BOOM!

I have my moon in Cancer and I know it well. Born with it squaring Pluto (Hades) and Uranus, now my Uranus opposition was in the mix too. My past had caught up with me and there was no escaping. This time two years ago my codependent personality could no longer be ignored.

After one particualrly dramatic episode that lasted a couple of weeks I knew it couldn't stay the same, and despite years and years of self development, I didn't know after a decade of trying, how to change it, so I got up and left. 

Sniveling in my soul sisters house with Melody Beattie's book "Codependent No More" for company my blurry eyes made out the words...

"We all know someone who seems to have more than their fair share of bad luck, drama, and chaos, but is it bad luck, or is it co-dependency?"

I devoured that book and recognised myself on every page, but then what?

I didn't know what!

So I did what every woman in her mid-life crisis does when she doesn't know what, she pretends she knows exactly what she is doing and just decides to just buy a plane ticket to go somewhere far far away, where she knows no-one whatsoever!

I landed, quite by accident, in America on Independence day, but did I find independence?

I roamed the redwoods, I hiked alone where signs said not to because of mountain lions, I went to festivals - alone. And all I found for company was far from independence, I was battling a terrifying core isolation that threatened to set hard into my soul, but it couldn't because I was still crying.

I couldn't stop, and as long as I kept crying I kept thawing.


I was crying like I had never cried before (apart from maybe when my daughter passed that is).

I was in excruciating pain from leaving my husband, because even though it was clear as day that he was codependent, and it was clear as day that I was too, and it was clear as day that codependency was a MASSIVE problem for us and clear as day that we couldn't be together until we had sorted it out. Fundamentally we were both good people, who wanted to be together, who believed that our relationship wasn't just our "illness".

I mean, I had met him at the one time in my life that I was happy being single! Usually, that's a good sign, right?

I cried and cried and cried all the way through that summer, all the way down to Mexico, I guess I was looking for a depth of connection, my Astro cartography said that if I found it anywhere I'd find it there, and I guess I did, but not like I thought. Not in the power of the Mayan history or its people, not in the land, not in the beautiful souls I met there. Not in the Grasshopper that followed me so much others would remark, not in the plentiful Gekko's, or even the spiders and cockroaches.

I found it in a Facebook post!


Yes, I traveled the world only to find what I was looking for on the world wide web!

 It was a video about Co-dependency, by another Mellody, not Beattie, but Pia. I find it interesting that both the top two well-known experts in Co-dependency have "Mel/lody" in their name.

I have to say that Pia's Melody spoke to me with a clarity about codependency that I had never come across before.  

Pia broke Codependency down into 5 Symptoms:

1. Difficulty Experiencing Appropriate Levels of Self-Esteem.

2. Difficulty Setting Functional Boundaries.

3. Difficulty Owning Our Own Reality

4. Difficulty Acknowledging and Meeting Our Own Wants and Needs

5. Difficulty Experiencing and Expressing Our Reality Moderately:

Recognise yourself?

 Of course, you do. Co-dependency is the disease of conditioning. Conditional love, we have all been conditioned.  

The external journey I made, was an internal one, deep down into my own underworld shadow of shame and self-esteem.  

My life has been full of "mistakes" that nearly cost me my marriage, family, business (and did cost me £4.5 million and a huge book deal) yet despite this, through the gift of not inheriting the never give up gene - even after 5 failed driving tests and a handful of therapists telling me I should divorce my husband (so glad I didn't listen). I've come out the other side now mature enough to cope with an incredible marriage to the same incredible man.

Now at the age of forty, for the first time in my life, I am no longer scared of the emotional, mental and supernatural tides within myself, or my home.


I’ve dedicated myself to that path with myself and my clients above anything else because I SINCERELY believe if we all have a healthy self-esteem then the world would be a pain-free place.

So let us look more in depth of the systems of Codependence, seeming this Cancer New Moon Eclipse marks a time of going there...

1. Difficulty Experiencing Appropriate Levels of Self-Esteem.

The codependent individual relies on others to determine his worth or gets it from comparing himself to others, so his self-esteem fluctuates between feeling worthless and better than.

When negative events occur, a person with healthy self-esteem does not question his or her own worth or value. The other extreme is arrogance and grandiosity. The person believes that he or she is above or better than other people.


2. Difficulty Setting Functional Boundaries.

A personal boundary system is an internal mechanism that both protects as well as contains an individual’s body, mind, emotions and behaviour.

It has three purposes:

1) To help an individual prevent himself from being victimised

2) To prevent an individual from being an offender

3) To give an individual a sense of self

Boundary systems are both external and internal, we need internal boundaries in order to not abuse another, and external ones to stop ourselves being abused ourselves.


3. Difficulty Owning Our Own Reality

Reality is defined as the following four aspects:

1) The body - How we look and how our bodies are operating 2) Thinking - How we give meaning to incoming data

3) Feelings - An appropriate expression of our emotions

4) Behaviour - What we do or don't do.

Not being able to own our reality is experienced on two levels: I know my reality and I won't share it, or I don't know what my reality is. Codependents then must make up a personal identity and reality out of what they think they should be.


4. Difficulty Acknowledging and Meeting Our Own Wants and Needs

People who have difficulty with this core symptom can fall into these four categories:

1) Too dependent: expect others to meet our needs completely.

2) Anti-dependent: I alone can meet my needs.

3) Needless/wantless: I am not aware of my needs or wants.

4) Confuses wants and needs: attempts to meet needs with wants.

Children who are attacked for having any needs may grow up to be anti-dependent. Children who are neglected and abandoned may grow up needless/wantless. These people grow up to fill others’ needs without recognizing their own.

When a need is met, they often feel guilty.


5. Difficulty Experiencing and Expressing Our Reality Moderately:

This symptom is usually most visible to other people.

There is no middle ground and are too extreme with their bodies, thoughts and feelings. They may dress very flamboyantly or very dowdily and blandly.

They might be very thin or very fat. They may also have extreme habits for self-care or no habits at all.

Thinking is not in moderation. They see only one answer, and it is either theirs or yours.

People who live in extremes have witnessed their caregivers act out of moderation or, if they did not like their parents' behaviour, they do the opposite. For example, a child who was severely disciplined by his or her parents may grow up to not discipline his or her own children at all.


Do you resonate?

This week in my Inner Transformation Circle I'm holding a very special eclipse class which will take in consideration the powerful pull of this Codependent Cancerian Pull of the Moon and help you to make a success plan for the month ahead.

If you resonate with this post you'll want to be there, click the button below:

 Click Here To Join Tiff's Inner Transformation Circle

Wonder- full New Moon Eclipse wishes to you.

Tiffany x


 

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